THE TRUE MANIFESTATION OF
MASCULINITY IN SUFISM
THE TRUE MANIFESTATION OF MASCULINITY IN SUFISM

By Laurence Galian

Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) was a mighty warrior. To paraphrase Paul Coughlin, as
men we need to see and emulate all of Muhammad (s.a.w.s.), gentle and rugged
and all points in-between. This means we’ll have to push past prejudices and
fears, for the record is clear: Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) traveled the entire
tender/tough spectrum without apology, and as Muslims and Sufis we must
emulate him.

In the article, “Quran: The Constitution for Humanity” it says about our Master
Muhammad (s.a.w.s.), “His courage, his succor and his might are
distinguishable. He was the most courageous. He witnessed awkward and
difficult times and stood fast at them. More than once brave men and daring
ones fled away leaving him alone; yet he stood with full composure facing the
enemy without turning his back. Imam Ali (r.a.) said: ‘Whenever the fight grew
fierce and the eyes of fighters went red, we used to resort to the Prophet (s.a.w.
s.) for succor. He was always the closest to the enemy.’”

Anas said: “One night the people of Medina felt alarmed. People went out
hurriedly towards the source of sound, but the Prophet (s.a.w.s.) had already
gone ahead of them. He was on the horseback of Abu Talhah which had no
saddle over it, and a sword was slung round his neck, and said to them: “There
was nothing for which to be afraid.”

Frequently we Sufi men do not want to accept the masculinity of the Prophet
Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) because we think the ramifications are too demanding.
What we fail to see is that not traveling the entire spectrum of masculine life is
far more demanding.

What I am advocating has nothing to do with bullying, arrogance, terrorism or
violence. What I am advocating has to do with embracing our masculinity, our
strength, and our sacred role as men.

What we so love about the Ahlul Bayt* is that they experienced the greatest joys
and the most terrible agonies. These pure servants of Allah lived the full-
spectrum of human experience. The men of the Ahlul Bayt were real men as
opposed to today’s Sufi Muslim men, who are heavily influenced by “New Age”
spirituality. Many Sufis are unconsciously influenced by the “New Age” and
“Health” communities’ view of what a man should be. Sufi men begin to believe
that they must adhere to the image of a “spiritual person” as portrayed by
popular New Age media. Many (Western Sufi) men are brainwashed into
believing that the man who wishes to live a life devoted to worshipping God and
serving humanity, must be androgynous, and that it is somehow “anti-spiritual” to
be a strong and masculine man.

Today, there is what is called the “metrosexual movement.” A metrosexual can
be defined as “a heterosexual male who is in touch with his feminine side—he
color coordinates [and] cares deeply about exfoliation…” (en.wikipedia.org).
Astagfirullah! Sufi men feel pressure to submerge their natural masculinity, in
order to be “part of the group”. This results in men who are concerned with
being superficially nice, wearing new clean pressed robes, smiling too much,
repressing their masculinity, and obsessed with trimming their mustaches and
beards in some exact manner.

Corporations and their advertising agencies, have jumped onto the bandwagon,
and seeing lucrative sales from increased earning power of women, now
produce numerous television commercials that show men literally being struck,
spoken to as children, scorned, treated like idiots, and disrespected, by women.
Watch television commercials carefully (if you must watch television), and
observe how a wife will speak to, and treat, her husband in a derogatory
manner. You will be amazed.

The Ahul Bayt were not disconnected from their pain, nor from their courage in
the face of overwhelming adversity. We men must feel our emotions. Be proud to
be bold, to be an adventurer, and to be a pioneer. Use your initiative. Become
courageous, daring and self-reliant! As you release more energy in your heart
and body, letting more energy flow, there is a natural release of barriers.

We desperately need Sufi men spiritual leaders who embody the full-spectrum of
what it means to be a man. In fact, the only way to truly advance upon the path,
is by embracing your body and your masculinity. Think of Hazreti Muzaffer
“Ashki” Ozak Efendi (May Allah sanctify his soul) and how he beautifully
expressed himself as a man . . . truly as a COMPLETE man.

“Niceness is a misguided attempt to cover-over lack of intimacy with God,” writes
Paul Coughlin. Truly, “niceness” is a way the Shaitan disempowers men. Nice
men appear to be spiritual. In short, niceness is a good mask. The man who
struggles to be “nice”, is avoiding the real struggles and requirements of the
spiritual life.

Isn’t there a strong disconnect here in the Sufi Community?

It is fascinating (and quite telling) how the exact process of “branching off” within
a specific Sufi order is never related truthfully. For centuries, most of the Sufi
orders have experienced countless men who are vouchsafed a special
intensifying of the Divine Spirit within them, and these men invariably become
surrounded by a group of disciples, many of whom often leave the Friend of
Allah (after his transition). Frequently, only very few truly loyal dervishes remain.

There then is a gradual process during which the saint’s teachings are codified,
a name given to the new order, and a kind of formal recognition of the order
takes place. What is hidden from us is the disapproval, confusion, fighting,
calumny, and downright condemnation of the new “order” by the old “order”.
Then, sometimes fifty to one hundred years pass, and we are given a sanitized
version of the genesis of the new off-shoots. Frequently, once an order has
been established, it is not uncommon to see remarkable communication, mutual
consultation, and official and unofficial visiting between the new order’s sheikhs
and members, and the sheikhs and members of other orders. But until the new
order begins to look and feel like all the other orders, its founding Pir and
dervishes are often vilified and openly shunned by the sheikhs of the order from
which it branched off.

Thus, even Sufism itself can be blamed for the destruction of the masculinity of
Sufi men. Why? Because a false depiction of the actual events that transpired in
the branching of various tariqats is eventually disseminated. The great men of
Sufism are transformed from men like ourselves, into Super-Heroes. Their
foibles, errors, fears, self-doubts, and so forth, are cleaned up and erased from
history.

We men cannot be afraid to make mistakes. All men make mistakes. We must
act. We must be bold. As men we must be decisive. We must follow our passion
and dreams, and let the chips fall where they may. The Pirs of each new tariqat
were frequently clear and firm in their beliefs and stood up to their critics (who
were often important Sheikhs) in a quietly insistent way. They were not immobile
or static automatons afraid of risk. They dared to leave their comfort zones.

This “Hero” image is very dangerous. We cannot be perfect, and to try to be
perfect is to be an egotist. Rather than trying to be heroes, let us instead strive
to be unique men who serve Allah. History can judge us if it wants. This is your
life. Please do not try to force yourself into a uniform, a persona, a Hollywood or
comic book character, or some image that you received from reading a book.
Accept and love yourself as you are at this very moment.

Some dervishes portray themselves as friendly types until they become a khalifa
or sheikh. Then, suddenly, their shadow pours forth as “overbearing
masculinity”. Know, that there is a kind of “niceness” that is sheer poison. It is a
feigned niceness that pervades many spiritual groups. This niceness forbids
people (out of fear of being considered insensitive) from speaking the truth out
loud about what is going on in the group. Teachers openly will fight with each
other, while everyone in the group keeps a smile glued to their faces. No one
dares to say, “What’s going on here? Who’s the teacher? Why are you arguing
in front of us?” No one dares to say “You’re making me very uncomfortable,”
because we all want to believe that all is for the best, and we fear we would be
ostracized from the group for indicating any displeasure with the way we are
being taught.

What is the result? When a man’s natural masculinity is repressed (by himself or
as a result of group pressure), the masculinity must find some outlet to express
itself. Some of these androgynous, “nice” men end up becoming extremely
passive-aggressive. Or, as in the example above, when they are given even a
small amount of authority or position in a tekke, they become tyrants.

Pirs have character. Characterless men melt into the background and do not
achieve much with their lives. A popular misconception is that Allah grants the
character. Of course, Allah is the only one who grants favors, but if Imam Ali (r.
a.) or Imam Hussain (r.a.) just sat around and waited for character to manifest,
then we would be all the poorer. Think of what Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) suffered.
These men had convictions and the courage to act on their convictions. They
did not tow the popular line. What if Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) said, “Well, everyone
is a polytheist; why shouldn’t I be one too?” Astagfirullah.

The author once asked on a Sufi newsgroup “Why is it that Muhammad was a
great military strategist, a brave warrior, and a fighter for the rights of the people
when necessary, yet as Sufis we’re told to be meek, mild, timid, gentle, and to
never harm anyone?” The answer this author received: “Because he was a
Prophet and we are not.” Yet the Qur’an names us, the human being (and that
includes us guys) as the Vicegerents of Allah! Fortunately, we don’t follow a soft
Prophet and Allah has not destined us to be eternal nice guys. Many men are
angry at the direction Western Sufism has taken, but swallow their anger and are
ashamed to feel and think that something has gone very wrong with Western
Sufism.

We do not validate abuse, arrogance, tyranny, or justify the mistreatment of any
person. We do validate the healthy expression and manifestation of masculinity.

Let us be clear. We men are being shamed (by other Sufis) for being men. Did
the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.s.), did the Trunk of Tariqat Haydar Ali Murtezza
(a.s.), and the Prince of Martyrs Imam Hussain (a.s.) shrink from fighting in the
way of Allah when necessary? Were they the “nice guys” popular spirituality
would have preferred them to be? No. They were men following their
consciences, and expressing their manhood in service to Allah.

May Allah permit us men to rediscover what it means to be a Man of God. May
Allah permit us to delight in the expression of masculine energy in our hearts, in
our lives, and in our interactions with other human beings.

Allah knows best.

* The five “Companions of the Mantle”: Muhammad Mustafa – The Seal of the
Prophets (Peace be upon him), Imam Ali Haydar (‘Alaihi Assalam), Lady Fatima
tul Zehra (‘Alaiha Assalam), Imam Hassan (‘Alaihi Assalam), and Imam Hussain
(‘Alaihi Assalam), as well as all the Twelve Imams (Alaihim Assalam) bearers of
the Nectar of Light of Prophecy.

© 2009 Laurence Galian. All rights reserved.